If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?
I'm sure you have heard this saying at some point before and what would you say the answer is? Of course, the answer is yes. The same is true for thoughts and feelings about life events. If something happens, and you try hard to not think about it or even forget it, does it still matter? Does it still effect you? The answer is, of course, yes.
So many people I have met, personally and professionally in my practice, have uttered these words. The solution to their problem has been to not think about an upsetting event. They have tried hard to bury the feelings, to avoid thinking about the situation, to distract themselves, to tell themselves what happened doesn't matter. They say to themselves an idea that is often reinforced by society, "It happened. You can't change it. Just get over it already."
While this is truly ideal. I mean, really, would you want to sit around all day feeling depressed, anxious, fearful, etc. about a traumatic event in your life? I know I wouldn't. It would be great if a person could just leave the event behind and move on with life as if it was just a small, insignificant blip on the radar screen. But unfortunately, people don't usually work that way, no matter how hard they try.
It is true, that some people totally forget by blocking out what upsets them. However, their emotions and thoughts come out in other ways.
Take for example a person who was in an auto accident. If they weren't too injured and the car is easy to repair, they may think that all will be fine. After all, accidents happen everyday. Once the car is back from the auto shop, they may be back into their daily life. But this same person may begin to feel anxiety. It may seem as if it is out of the blue or may creep up anytime they hear about or see a person getting hurt. They may have nightmares, seemingly unrelated to the accident. They may become easily frustrated or angry, when in the past it was easy to brush things off. Even if driving after the accident has not posed any emotional stress, making it obvious that it is still upsetting, the accident may indeed be causing daily trauma. Now, do all people who are involved in auto accidents, no matter how small or large, feel traumatized? No. But, the point here is that anything has the potential to effect you, even if it doesn't seem like it, even if you try hard not to let it.
Trying to forget about an incident does not help a person get over it. The thoughts and feelings just find new ways to come out and disrupt daily life. It's difficult, sometimes downright awful, even seemingly impossible, to have to deal with painful events, but working through them can only make a person stronger. Working through them is the only way to truly be done and move on.
So if the tree falls, and no one hears it, would someone be able to tell it happened if they came upon the roots sticking out of the ground? Would it be obvious something happened if the trunk was sideways, rather than straight up, reaching toward the sky? Of course. And, if that fallen tree were causing disruption, someone would come along, break it down into smaller pieces, and cart it way. Thus, normalcy could continue. All that would remain would be a stump of a reminder, now benign, now causing no problems, just being what it is . . . something that happened, but now things are ok.
